


Zoom Call

by Igniting_Quill



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: 2020, America being America (Hetalia), Brothers America & Canada (Hetalia), COVID-19, Coronavirus pandemic, Gen, Modern Day, Several other characters are included just most of them don't have any lines, World Meeting (Hetalia), Zoom calls, social distancing, world conference
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:01:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24033205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Igniting_Quill/pseuds/Igniting_Quill
Summary: The World Conference has commenced; however, the world is under a global pandemic, which means it's time for a gigantic zoom call.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Kudos: 67





	Zoom Call

**Author's Note:**

> This is a parody of the World Conference from the first Hetalia episode, English dub. But, this time, there is a bit of a twist.

The world meeting was decided sporadically. America set it up, so — Canada shook his head, berating himself for chuckling — it was going to be a disaster. How did Matthew know it was going to be a disaster? Multiple reasons actually.

\--

Canada was a light sleeper, so he woke up when his phone started blinking like a sporadic light bulb. He was tired and grumpy after sitting in numerous government meetings all day. _This better be worth my time._

Turns out, America hastily emailed Canada about… something… during the extremely normal hours of two o’ clock in the morning on Saturday. For goodness sake. Matt rubbed his eyes to get some life back into them, and then stopped himself: coronavirus, no touch face. (Immortals like him wouldn’t die, but it would be the best for everyone if he wasn’t a carrier.) He lazily reached over to grab his glasses, the details of the email coming to life. There was a long list of countries the email went to: Canada did a facepalm when he realized it was every single country in the UN and then some. A long paragraph of official, public emails.

But the information contained in the email made Matt want to fly over to America and smack Alfred in the face. Quote, “VERY IMPORTANT URGENT REQUIRED READ: Dudes and dudettes! I have not seen your faces in so long let's talk! World Conference style! See you there!” Then a zoom link.

Oh maple, how could his neighbor be such an annoyance? While other countries were scrambling to get policy through with their governments — Canada included — America was trying to host a nation-wide zoom call? Plus, had the man not heard about the whole “zoom-bombing” situation? He hoped that America made the right precautions.

And with that he went back to scrolling through social media on his phone like the godforsaken insomniac he had become. His screen time was going through the roof.

\--

Canada logged in (April 20, 4:20 pm Eastern Standard Time, goodness gracious how immature could Alfred be!?) and was greeted by the screens of several nation personifications speaking on top of each other. It seemed like everyone grudgingly showed up, though by seeing a swath of countries that turned off their cameras and microphones, Canada assumed they must be taking a nap. He muted his own microphone and brought in a bowl of cheap microwave popcorn — drizzled with his home-made maple syrup — sat back, and watched the show.

The bickering of the national representatives was no different from the usual. Except, this time the sound of people talking over each other sounded like a swarm of laggy chatter. Despite the fact that it was over a virtual interface, the volume of America’s entrance was cut through the babble. It stung Canada’s ears.

“Dude I think our informal World Conference can convene! Like usual, I’ll do my heroic thing and solve all of today’s problems by talking excessively!”

A large grumble spread throughout the call. Belgium attempted to shush them, only making the sound louder. Then she gave up, switching off her microphone with a huff of despair.

America was still in his PJ’s, and as Canada looked around at most of the other countries present, he felt oddly formal with just a collared shirt. Additionally, his southern neighbor’s blond hair was messily brushed back, his cowlick curved like it was attracted to the ceiling. Then Alfred flashed that Hollywood smile and started to speak: “No matter how hard this virus seems, we can fix anything with enough meetings and photo ops! Smile for the camera guys!” America lifted up his iPhone and took a selfie of himself and his crowded computer screen. “Feel free to speak honestly while protecting your chances for reelection! Oh shoot that hits a sore spot for me HAHA. Let’s not talk about my upcoming presidential election! Anyways, I’ll go first: about the whole covid-19 killing humanity thing, I think we’ll be okay if we genetically engineer a minuscule hero and have it fight against viruses! I give you, the Mini-hero Antiviral-man!”

America lifted up a crude diagram of a cell-like figure that had a smiley face and a cape, soaring through what looked like a blood vessel.

An alert from the chat popped up. Japan, probably thinking it rude to interrupt America’s speech, interjected halfway through with a message that said, “I agree with America because...”

A pop up quickly followed, “MAN UP OR I’LL BEAT YOU WITH MY PEACE PRIZE!” A quick look at Switzerland’s camera view, Canada could see that Basch was already holding onto one of his guns in safety mode.

England unmuted his microphone, “There’s no way some bloody genetically modified ‘hero’ will help solve this global problem…”

France arrived just seconds before England started, fashionably late as usual. He spoke, French accent clashing against England’s British one: “If the Brexit-face and Trump-land don’t agree, I will be superior by dissing them both!”

“Bloody hell!” England interjected back, “The least you could do was wait for me to finish you frog.”

“Ah, you Europeans love to hate America! Why not go back to making us hot green chick statues like you used to!”

“Psh you twat. You already stole our Magna Carta as a copy for the foundation of your very existence! I would think that there would be nothing else to give!”

“Ever since we lost our status as a world superpower, condescending superiority and wine is all we have left!” France pulled out a bottle of red wine and poured it out into a glass.

China yawned, “You Western nations are so immature, I doubt you ever grow up! Need some pointers from someone who has been dealing since coronavirus since the beginning? No, apparently you don’t. You should be glad I would wake up at 4:20 in the morning for this.” He twisted open a candy wrapper and popped the sweet into his mouth.

“This was one o’clock in the morning for me. Almost two. Did you hear that America?” India complained sleepily. “Please, the mess of policy covid-19 has caused has been ruthlessly hard to deal with.”

The chat lit up with a new message Spain sent to everyone, “Hey! Why don’t you say something Russia? They’ll stop fighting if you go over and step in.”

The reply: “What, why me? No thank you. I want to see Lithuania get in big trouble and come crawling back for help! Then Latvia will be right behind. )))”

Lithuania and Latvia flickered their eyes over the chat, probably wondering why Russia could not just drop the goddamn USSR politics for once. Their hands reached for the keyboard.

In the span of a few seconds, tens of messages flooded in from countries that weren’t speaking. There was a firm approval of Russia from Belarus, who also complained about the zoom call because she had to use a VPN to access it. From the video capturing her face, she grabbed out a knife and tossed in the air, one handed, with nonchalance.

Estonia taunted Russia, starting a fight over the intimidating man’s threatening attitude. The Baltic nation’s glasses reflected back the bright computer screen as he typed out roasts.

Poland unmuted his microphone and started insulting Russia in English, but gave up and started cursing him in vulgar Polish.

Several clacks of keyboard sounds came in from countries that forgot to mute their microphones. “Hey, someone tell our gringo I should not have come and I am leaving. I barely have any internet anyway jajajaja” Venezuela typed before he left.

A long snore emerged from Greece’s unmuted microphone as he drifted off to sleep. A cat stepped past his laptop camera and pounded nonsensical Greek letters in the chat.

The lag became worse and worse by the second. The chat scrolled past, glitchy with convoluted bickering. The voices melded together in a sea of tinny robotic sounds. The videos sunk into potato quality recordings.

America reentered, voice booming above the noise. “Wow! It’s so laggy I got kicked out! I went out to get some fried chicken from the place downstairs!” America shouted his chatter into the fray.

“Ah, Stop! I do not understand what anyone is saying anymore!” France wailed in French.

China, with the look of a disapproving parent typed in the chat, “Please everyone; calm down. Unmute your microphones, turn off your videos: it’s causing so much lag!”

Finally, Germany could not take it anymore. He slammed his hands down on his desk with such fury, his computer camera shook from the force. The sound of the thwack definitely brought him some attention. Although he wasn’t there in person, his choice of formal wear, gelled back hair, and giant stature was absolutely intimidating. His blurry face looked absolutely pissed.

“EVERYONE SHU-”

The rectangle that contained a shot of Germany’s room suddenly became pixelated as his audio squeaked to a halt. Some conversations between nations covered his voice.

“Germany, could you repeat that? We cannot hear you.” England replied.

“Called this conference to solve the...” Germany’s voice transformed into an electronic hiss as the lag took over his speech, “problems of our past… follow my rules.. raise your hand… mock any salutes of my country’s past!”

“Excuse-moi? I do not think you said that right.” France responded.

Italy was the only person that raised his hand.

“Germany recognizes his friend Italy!”

Italy put down his hand and turned on his microphone, “Hi everyone! I hope you guys are doing well during these tough times. And plus, the boredom is starting to creep in, so I made some homemade pastaaa!” He tilted the camera down and had everyone look at a plate of pasta that was quickly becoming blurred by condensed water vapor. “Anyways, I wanted to ask America a question!”

“You got it Italy!” America said chomping on his fried chicken.

“I was going to have a video chat with some of the old ladies on my floor just to check how they are doing! I need this to leave to see them,” Italy interlocked his fingers together and rested his head on top. Then he broke out into a little smile, “But before I go, I just wanted to say that I missed all of your faces and would love to cook you all some pasta when we can be with each other again!”

“Thanks dude! Plus, you can go ahead, the meeting was optional anyways. Glad you could come!”

“Okay. Ciao!”

As Italy left the meeting, there was a pause of silence (consisting of the piercing static of someone’s air conditioner or heater) before all hell broke loose again.

“You mean this whole thing was optional?” an accented voice called out. Expletives ran out in the air in an assortment of languages. The rants people messaged through the chat scrolled so fast, the lag from before almost came back. Soon, people started to leave the meeting. China, and quite a few other nations, looked ready to crawl into bed. He yawned and said a brief goodbye before he went away. Germany stiffly bid his farewell, his fingers messing up his gelled back hair before he exited. France blew a kiss before he left, and England angrily complained about the wine-lover’s action before he himself departed. Soon, almost 200 rectangles filed down just to two.

“Aww… what an abrupt end.” America commented as he finished the last of his fried chicken.

Canada finally decided to turn on his camera and unmute his microphone. “Hey. Al.”

Alfred blinked in confusion for a second before his eyes lit up in recognition. “Mattie! Hi! Like, I did not notice you were here the whole time!”

Matt shook his head with a defeated sigh. Of course he was ignored. He put his empty bowl down on a nearby desk and crossed his arms. “How are you handling things over there? You’re still in New York City right?”

“Oh of course I am! Currently volunteering for some organizations because I have nothing better to do nowadays. And trying to switch from the usual golden arches to some good ‘ol local businesses.” He held up a take-out bag for Matt to see.

“Yeah right, what about focusing on your policy?”

“Ah… that’s going horribly right now Matt! In some ways, it’s nice to have some physical distance between D.C. and me. Cuz now, I’m doing my best to help my community up here! Although, it feels so weird not to be able to high-five any of my Dudes.”

“Alfred. The economy is plunging, coronavirus tests are almost nonexistent, and you’re still thinking about a handshake?” Matt shook his head with a smile, “That’s so you.”

“You know me!” Alfred agreed, stretching his arms out. He sank back down into his chair when his phone started beeping. He looked down, reading the notification. “Ah, I have a volunteering thingy now! I’ve gotta go now Matt.”

“Take care Al.”

Alfred looked back up. He looked tired, obvious eyebags hung under his eyes. Despite that, he flashed Matt a standard American smile.

“You too Matt.”

**Author's Note:**

> I worked way too hard for this. I started it on 4/20, and look at the date now! This social distancing has led me back to this fandom again, helltalia they call it. That led me to thinking… perhaps this is what the nations will have to deal with for the next few months. Anyways, if I am inspired enough, I'll probably write out the chat. I'm doing anything to avoid my school work haha.  
> To all who read this, stay safe!


End file.
